Jadi anak pertama itu nggak gampang. Apalagi udah jadi anak pertama, ditambah sifat melankolis pula. There is a time when the world is not in your side. When you try to pull hard but no one know what sacrifices that you pull through. Sometime, I feel sick of everything. Not because I feel pain but because I feel that if they're in my shoe, they'll feel what I feel.
Jadi anak pertama itu nggak gampang. Apalagi anak perempuan. I have to take responsibility to my family & brother. Emang nggak disuruh sih tapi ya lo harus nyadar aja kalo lo emang harus megang tanggung jawab ini. I don't know whether I'm not already yet or I have another reason. But for me it's not a small deal. I have to take for all of this matter.
Yg mau gue ceritain disini bukan masalah itu. But sometime I feel that I don't have my freedom when I'm here. I just can't speak that shit out. Unspoken feeling that sometime killing me inside behind my smile. I'm never good enough in front of them. They only look to my bad side not the other side. Mereka selalu membandingkan dan make an example from my bad. I really feel bad about it but I can't do anything. Kalo gue ngomong, nanti dibilang gue durhaka dan gak sopan. Tapi kalo gue nggak ngomong, mau diinjek-injek terus? Yang gue butuh in sekarang adalah kebebasan. Bukan kebebasan dalam arti buruk. Tapi kebebasan ketika gue bisa mengexplore diri gue sendiri without any doubt from people. Dibebanin tanggung jawab yang besar secara enggak langsung membuat lo jadi terbebani. Should I show off about my good side to impress people? I think that God doesn't like if we show it off to impress people. So I choosed the way I am that I don't care that if people think that all I have is bad things. Someday, they'll see my good things. Not because I show it off but because they know by theirselves :')
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